Mission Notes L-37A
Accompanying Spotify playlist here
--ing as planned, no change since my last update. Maybe that's why the last ambassadors abandoned their post. Maybe they just got bored. But that’s fine by me, it can’t be any more boring than Earth. I’m damn lucky to be out here, let alone leading a mission like this, on a planet that still wants human ambassadors. Amazing! Still haven’t figured out exactly why they prefer us over the usual diplomatic AI routines, but I don’t ask too many questions. Apart from all the dreary pomp and ceremony, it's really quite pleasant here with these Luumins. They're so easy to read, and just so damn honest. Everything’s discussed upfront, they haven't broken a single promise since first contact, and they're such clear communicators! Hard to miss their cues of course when they all involve one or more of their four arms. Like that crossed arms gesture they do when they're being completely honest about something. Brilliant! Wish we did the same back home. Anyway that's enough from me. I've got another -you guessed it!- royal ceremony to attend. One of the Emperor's consorts just gave birth. Again... Tharbin, signing off.
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
Confirming receipt of previous message.
Continue regular updates on preparations for the treaty signing.
LUUMIN DIPLOMATIC MISSION 37A
PRIME AMBASSADOR - Tharbin Prevoust
Surprise, huge changes! Just kidding, no updates here. There's more activity in the capital now, as the Emperor’s entourage makes all the preparations for the treaty ceremony. Never seen it so busy here, but still, it’s quieter than a moonstation in night-cycle.
Hey, question for you Centauri Alpha. Are there any reports from the previous ambassadors on Luumin idiosyncrasies? Last night at that naming ceremony, I was about to meet the Prime Minister. I was ready for the usual greeting protocol: arms interlocking, then a deep bow, and a recital of the names of our parents and grandparents. Just as I was about to straighten up and start in on the names, the Prime Minister broke protocol in the strangest way. Stepped right up to me, and wrapped all four hands around my left arm. Then massaged it a bit, and stared at it with such intent... So unnerving that I just froze in place, till suddenly the hands dropped and I was free again.
Of course I remember my training. I know there's plenty of customs here that we haven't encountered yet. And I know I shouldn't feel squeamish about this. There's probably a fantastic and neat cultural explanation for it all, and their translator assured me it's a typical custom. Still it felt very odd. So out of character considering their usual greeting customs, don't you think?
So look into that will you? And while you're at it, can you retrieve the personality construct for Pretaya Haines too? One of my team's diplomatic aides. Been AWOL for a few days now apparently. I know it'll eat a chunk out of our processing budget, but the team's getting so worried about her. I can’t imagine why. After all, Pretaya can call you up in an emergency just like the rest of us. But they’re still worried. So can you be a dear and spin up Pretaya's construct, and let me know if there's any reasons she might not have shown up?
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
Results for comparably anomalous Luumin behavior:
//0 results//
Results for Pretaya Haines personality construction investigation:
Thorough analysis and interrogation of the personality construct of Pretaya Haines has yielded no reasons for an unexplained absence without leave.
Historical precedent supports the interpretation that this disappearance is voluntary.
Pursuant to previous agreements, you may contact the Luumin Ambassador to request a special policing taskforce to be assigned for further investigation.
As a reminder: maintain cordial optimism as per //Section 14.3// of the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual.
"The best questions are those we haven't answered yet. A mystery is one of the universe's most valuable goods. Handle it with care and gratitude."
-Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual, Appendix C: Motivational Quotes.
Continue regular updates on preparations for the treaty signing.
LUUMIN DIPLOMATIC MISSION 37A
PRIME AMBASSADOR - Tharbin Prevoust
No big updates on my side, naturally. Pretaya still hasn't show up, and if you can’t figure out a reason, then I sure can’t either. But hey here's another weird thing for you to chew on: the police chief mentioned to me at a gala yesterday that Pretaya was "finished" a week ago. Any clue what that could mean? The Emperor's nephew arrived right after, so I didn't get a chance to ask for clarification. You know how they get about standing at ceremony... Again, their translator later assured me it was just a local turn of phrase. And of course the translator told me this with the usual gesture of crossed arms, so I know they’re very serious about that.
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
Results for search of "finished" and related nomenclature in Luumin contact database:
//0 results//
Reminder:
As pursuant to //Section 17.1// of the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual, you are obligated to share any further information on this or other nomenclature, slang, gestures and/or idioms as it becomes apparent during your mission, to improve the Contact Model Data Set for your and future missions.
Continue regular updates on preparations for the treaty signing.
LUUMIN DIPLOMATIC MISSION 37A
PRIME AMBASSADOR - Tharbin Prevoust
Centauri Alpha, this is serious. We just finished translating a new book, one of their kid's books. They've been LYING to us this whole time!
That crossed arm gesture: it doesn't mean they're serious about what they're saying, or that they're committing to their promise. It just means they're LYING and they've been doing it the whole time, like crossing their fingers behind their back!
Oh nonno no no wait you have to look at all the old footage, find out when they've been crossing their arms, if it's just sometimes or oh nonono nowhat if they were crossing their arms in the first negotiations where they promised they wouldn't kill or harm us!! And that one where they said they’ll never eat us?!? Centauri! Help us!! QUICK!
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
Acknowledging receipt of previous message. Please rephrase and clarify previous message.
The information provided is incompatible with base knowledge about the Luumins. Luumins have repeatedly explained that they have no custom of allowing lies with crossed arms or any other gesture. They have also explained that their physiology renders them incapable of intentionally harming another sentient life form, let alone eating it. Both of these explanations were accompanied by the customary gesture of sincerity: arms crossed in front of their chest.
Reminder:
As pursuant to //Section 17.1// of the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual, you are obligated to share any further information on this or other nomenclature, slang, gestures and/or idioms as it becomes apparent during your mission, to improve the Contact Model Data Set for your and future missions.
Continue regular updates on preparations for the treaty signing.
LUUMIN DIPLOMATIC MISSION 37A
PRIME AMBASSADOR - Tharbin Prevoust
CENTAURI! STOP TELLING ME TO FIND MORE DATA! THEY’RE LYING! THEY KILLED PRETAYA AND THEYREGONNA KILL US NEXT! WAKE UP! USE THE REST OF OURPROCESSING BUDGET AND WAKE UP THE FULL AI! DO IT NOW!!!!
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
Acknowledging request to apply Prime AI processing time to your mission.
Unfortunately your remaining processing budget does not allow for a priority request. Would you like to join the queue with an estimated wait time of: //131 hours// ?
Alternatively, you can request an emergency exception, as pursuant to //Section 2.6// of the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual, simply by asking for an "Emergency Exception".
SUBSTATION CENTAURI ALPHA
TERTIARY AI INSTANCE - DIPLOMACY SUBROUTINE
CLOSING REPORT FOR: LUUMIN DIPLOMATIC MISSION 37A
No further messages have been received from Diplomatic mission //37A// since the last message from //Prime Ambassador Tharbin Prevoust// .
As per //Section 51.1// of the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual, any diplomatic mission deemed to have abandoned their post without the presence of extenuating circumstances (as outlined in //Section 51.2//) will have their citizenship revoked, and will be subject to further penalties determined by the Intergalactic Diplomatic Agent Manual - Criminal Supplement.
Following extensive debriefing with the Luumins, Diplomatic mission //37A// is determined to have abandoned their post. The Luumin ambassador explained that the entire crew left the local star system and haven't been heard from since. With mutual agreement, a new diplomatic mission is being prepared, with a specific request for diplomats with a mostly sedentary lifestyle and longer than average arms. Instructions for full recruitment criteria attached. Future missions will receive an express order to not abandon their post for deep space, based on the same orders sent to the last //37// missions.
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-Noud